After four months of delaying the inevitable, I finally hopped on the scale this morning. I did not like what the scale read... Although fully expecting it, I still did not like it. I glared at the number -- 238.1 lbs. shock, stress, anxiety, reality... How is this possible?? It seems just like yesterday I was 181 lbs?? Three years ago, I worked very hard to lose 90 pounds. My starting weight was 271 lbs -- this is not my heaviest... not that I know what my heaviest is, I was too afraid to weigh myself back then too. After I made so much progress and was only 22 pounds away from my goal of 160, I gained 57 pounds. When I think about the reasons, I should not be so shocked. In the last year and a half:
- I started eating what comforts me (after two miscarriages that devastated me)
- I did not exercise regularly
- I stopped holding myself accountable
- I ate out of boredom, sadness, anxiety, you name it!! I just ate!!
The weight gain was gradual, 5 lbs here, 10 lbs there, etc. I know I am not perfect, although perfection is what I usually expect from myself. 2011 is when I turn 40. This will also be the year where I will achieve my goals of better health and fitness.
I hope writing about my journey helps me release my emotions, feelings, anxieties and serves as another tool to keep me in the right track. I will write about my successes and failures and the strategies I am putting in place to help me.
I will not dwell in the past, there is nothing I can do to change it. I will look ahead and move forward closer to my goal every day.
Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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